Motherhood

See the girl with azure blue eyes and the amber thread running through… She caught my breath knowing she was there, here, cocooned in the dark. I stepped blindly into motherhood, not quite woman myself. I woke up to the task with a love so fierce for this flame haired force. She became my purpose to thrive, to excel, to continue to drop the fear, even though at times I could have, should have been better. Could have been more present. Could have learned to hold her pain, soothe her tears and help mend her heart. Should have put her first. Should have learned to put myself first too. The fear of raising a daughter, the subconscious hardness, an unaware distance to callous them for life. To make them tough bares regret in hindsight. Women can be the hunted and I needed her to roar. I needed her to fight off what was needed so my heart wouldn’t break. I didn’t know how. I hadn’t learned how. It’s taken time to be the mother I wanted/needed to have, and also wanted to be. She taught me that. Only her. One quarter of a century ago. She’s taught me and continues to teach me how to live with power, with real love, with courage to call out the bullshit, to look after myself. She’s taught me how important it is to know in your bones you are loved and cherished. Keep shining you beautiful soul. Keep being kind especially to yourself. Keep finding peace in your heart. I’m proud beyond words for the woman you have become. BUT you will always be my little girl. My motivation. My lessons. You continue to cause me to catch my breath. #daughters